How to write a Warriors fanfic
by Les Miserabby
Summary: This is the result of a slightly insane person having had a lot of caffeine. Craziness! Adventure! Action! And maybe even a little romance! Read and review! Or I will hunt you dawn and hurt you and force you to review!
1. Chapter 1

**I honestly have no idea where this came from. I just feel like being super random this time. Hopefully you like this one. So. here's the first part.**

Lesson 1: Always have a battle.

Hollyleaf was sitting in the middle of the Thunderclan camp. She was really hungry. She chose a squirrel from the fresh-kill pile and was about to eat it when Blackstar raced into the camp with several Shadowclan warriors.

"Shadowclan. attack!" he yowled. The warriors just sat there.

"I said, attack!" he yowled. The Shadowclan warriors continued to sit there. The Thunderclan warriors stared at the Shadowclan cats. All of a sudden Tigerheart jumped up and sang: "Everybody dance now," and then the Shadowclan warriors started dancing to that really annoying song.

It was contagious. In moments, everyone was dancing except for Blackstar, who hit his head with his paw and mewed, "Why do I bother?" before leaving the camp, defeated by his own warriors.

"Cut, cut, cut, thats not whats supposed to happen! Who did this?" shouted Sparrowflight, snapping down the action thinga majig used when filming movies.

Blackstar shrugged. "I dunno. I certainly know that I would never let that kind of thing happen in a battle, so don't look at me. Meanwhile, Firestar was giggling histerically.

"Who gave him caffeine?" asked Sparrowflight, noticing the several empty bottles of coke piled around him."Ugh, never mind. Take two, people! and get it right this time!"

Blackstar and several other Shadowclan warriors raced into the Thunderclan camp, this time executing a perfect battle between Thunderclan and Shadowclan, despite the fact that Firestar was hyper. As usual, Lionblaze was uninjured, and was one of the best fighters, if not the absolute best. Hollyleaf gave one Shadowclan warrior a sprained leg. After a few minuites, Shadowclan retreated. thunderclan had won.

"Ok, cut! Perfect job, you guys. You all get two desserts at dinner tonight. We'll do scene two tomorrow." said Sparrowflight, congratulating the cats. "Now go practice your lines or something. I'll be seeing you later."

**I hope you guys liked this. Please review and tell me if I should continue or not. Personally, I think that this story has plenty of potential for being crazy. Also, just to let you know, this is the result of someone who is a little bit insane and has had a large coke. The pop, not the drug. Drugs are bad and eventually kill you. And be glad you are just reading a story that is the result of me on caffeine, instead of actually seeing _me _on caffeine. I think I actually scared some people in my school's drama club once after having a lot of coke. Caffeine really makes me hyper. I remember I was vibrating that time. Anyway, just review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, here's chapter 2. I need ideas for more chapters. So I would appreciate more reviews with ideas.**

Lesson 2: Include a prophecy.

Ivypaw was dreaming. There were StarClan cats dancing to swan lake in tutus, singing out all kinds of mumbo jumbo that sounded like they were saying that singing and dancing would bring eternal peace to the clans.

"Wait a minute! Cut! Cut! CUT! Starclan dancing to Swan Lake? And where did you get the tutus? And that is NOT the approved prophecy! Who is behind this?" shouted Sparrowfire, furious for the second time in two days that nothing was going right.

"Now, do it again, and this time, please get it right." said Sparrowfire, trying to keep calm.

"Aaand, ACTION!" she said, snapping down the thinga majig that signaled the beginning of a scene. (I really need to learn the name of that thing)  
Ivypaw was dreaming. A Starclan cat padded forward through the mist carying a scroll case. Ivypaw took the scroll case and opened it, staring at the chinese writing that was a prophecy-

"Cut! Cut! CUT! Whats with the scroll case and chinese writing? And cats don't read! Please, whoever is behind this crazines that has been happening since the beginning, stop! Now, please get it right this time!" shouted Sparrowfire, furious for what was now the third time in two days.

"Now, how to wright a Warriors FanFic, take three. Action!" she shouted,snapping down the thinga majig again.  
This time, it was a perfect take. The StarClan cat padded forward, and told Ivypaw the prophecy, _dancing moon, spotted patch, and shining ivy would unite to join the clans in victory over evil ghosts._ There were no more hijinks, save for a bucket of water falling out of nowhere onto the StarClan cat, washing off the glittery makeup right at the end of the scene.

"Great take ewveryone. Two desserts tonight. I'll see you tomorrow. I need to rest. I swear that someone's out to get me." said Sparrowfire, walking away to her trailer.

**Important notice (Please read):**

**I am taking time off for this story and some of my others to finnish Hollyleaf's redemption, another warriors fanfic. I've noticed its fast rise of popularity, and sudden popularity plumit when I stopped updating to work on other stories. After I finnish it, I will continue with my other stories. Hollyleaf's Redemption is a story that requires almost all of my attention. I hope you understand. Please check HR out. I'm sure you will enjoy it. Thank you. Now review!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, since so many people love this story, and I've posted a few more chapters of HR, and am currently undergoing writers block on account of yet another Lord of the Rings idea taking hold, I'll post one on here, as it is so ridiculous that it is the easiest thing ever to write. Seriously. The sabotage parts are easy to come up with. Thank you for all the ideas! Now I am swamped! I think I will need to make a list! I'm gonna use an idea in the next chapter, because I realized that the most obvious one around was right there. Warrior Ceremony! Oh, and ********Splotchpelt****, I am including your idea in this chapter as well.  
**

Lesson Three: Include A warrior Ceremony

"Ok people! Er, cats! Places for the Warrior Ceremony scene!" yelled Sparrowflight, adding under her breath, "Hopefully everything goes according to plan this time and no one tries to sabotage it."

The cats all assembled. Dovepaw and Ivypaw sat together. Firestar leaped onto the Highrock. Sparrowflight used that scene thing (I'm just going to not use its actual name for the sake of comedy).

"All cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the Highrock for a clan meeting!" yowled Firestar.

The cats all assembled.

"Bluestar came to me in a dream. She issued a new addition to thw Warrior Code!" yowled Firestar.

At this the cats broke out in a frenzy of mews.

"The newest rule is: Thou shall do the dance!" he yowled. At that moment, the cats all broke out in a dance that had clearly been choreographed, but at what time, I have no idea.

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Thou shall do the dance? Warrior Code? This is supposed to be a _Warrior Ceremony! _What the heck is going on?" shouted Sparrowflight, nearly falling out of her director's seat. "This is sabotage, I just know it. What else is going to happen, I wonder?"

The cats all took their places again, this time trying to be so solemn and serious that it was comedic. Mousefur sat so stiffly that she toppled over. Everyone was trying not to laugh, except for Sparrowflight, who nearly feinted from shock after the entire cast fell over unconscious from trying so hard to be serious.

"This is clearly not my day." muttered Sparrowflight.

Then the set toppled over.

"Correction. This is not my week."

* * *

The next day, after everyone was conscious again and the set had been repaired, everyone took their places.

"Warrior's Ceremony, take three!" shouted Sparrowflight, snapping down the thinga majig hard, startling an apprentice so much that they had a full blown panic attack scaring everyone and causing mayhem. The set fell down again. It was a mass of writhing furry bodies in the studio, and a full three hours before everyone had sttled down and fixed the set. Again.

"Why me? Why me? Why _me?_" moaned Sparrowflight, wishing for the 7th(?) time in four days (three scenes) that things would actually run smoothly. She had a feeling that she would not get her wish.

"Ok, lets try this a fourth time!" said Sparrowflight, trying to stay calm. It wasn't working.

The cats took their places. The fourth take was, miraculously, perfect. The set didn't fall over, and Dovepaw and Ivypaw were made warriors, Ivytangle and Dovewing.

"Good job." said Sparrowflight. "Do what you want, just don't sabotage anything. I need to go take a nap. I've got a major migraine."

**Well, there you go. It only took me all of 10-30 minutes to write. Well, I hope I didn't drag out that set crashing joke too much. Next chapter: Forbidden Romance!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, here you go. The most popular request: Forbidden Romance! What kind of craziness will happen here? Read to find out!**

Lesson 4

Include Forbidden Romance!

Dovewing snuck out of the camp. She was excited about meeting with Tigerheart, the ShadowClan warrior.

"Tigerheart? Are you there?" she mewed when she reached the border. Sparrowflight was amazed that there had been no problems yet.

"What light through yonder window breaks, it is the east, and Dovewing is the sun."

"Cut! Cut! Cut! That's from Romeo and Juliet! Not our script!" shouted Sparrowflight.

And so they restarted. Dovewing snuck out of camp, etcetera, etcetera. She met up with Tigerheart, and then...

"Don't go breakin' my heart!"Dovewing sang.

"I coudn't if I tried!" Tigerheart sang.

"Oh, honey if I get restless!"

"Baby you're not that type."

And so it continued until Sparrowflight was finally revived after feinting in shock.

"That's it! Chapter over for now! We will do this scene another time!" Sparrowflight yelled. And so it ended. For now.

**I did want to do more with it, but this was all I could think of at the moment and I wanted to update, so... Yeah. And even though I changed my penname, I'm going to leav it as Sparrowflight for this story, as it has become a character. **


	5. Chapter 5

**So sorry that this chapter took so long. Trying to think of mischief and mayhem can be a pain. Who thinks that I should make a LOTR version? That would be fun!**

Chapter something or other

Include Character Death**  
**

"Ok, places people for the death scene!" Sparrowflight yelled. Everyone took their places, snickering. "Oh, shut up, all of you! This is a serious scene! Somebody dies!"

"Yeah! You!" a cat called. Sparrowflight glared.

"Ok, no, lights! Camera! Action!" She snapped down the thing-a-majig. Then the roof fell.

About three hours, twenty two minutes and thirteen seconds later, the rubble was cleared and they tried again, this time on location, as that appeared to be safer than the set.

"Ok, lights! Camera! Action!" Sparrowflight yelled from her chair as she snapped down the thing-a-majig. Right on her paw. "Owwwww!"

Within five minutes, her paw was wrapped up with ice, and they were trying again.

"Death scene, take three. Lights! Camera! Action!" She snapped down the thing-a-majig, and nothing happened except for what was supposed to happen.

"Hollyleaf!" What happened?" Firestar meowed, eyes widening as the black she-cat raced in.

ShadowClan! Attacked! Hunting!" she managed to gasp before collapsing. Her blackpelt was covered in red blood.

"Jayfeather!" Firestar yowled. "Hurry!"

"To be, or not to be: that is the question," Hollyleaf meowed as her blood continueed to pour out of her. "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer  
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,  
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,  
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;  
No more; and by a sleep to say we end  
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks  
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation  
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;  
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;  
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come  
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil-"

"Vut!" Sparrowflight sscreeched. "Cut!" That's Hamlet! _Not_ warriors!"

"It sounds better," Hollyleaf retorted, sitting up, trying to shake the fake blood off her.

"Its _Shakespeare_! Of _course_ it sounds better, its classic!" Sparrowflight yelled in annoyance. She threw up her paws in the air and spun in a circle.

Everyone remained silent, including Hollyleaf.

"Take four?" a cameraman asked weakly.

"No, take five. Five minute break everybody!" Sparrowflight yelled. Then a tree fell into the ThunderClan camp.


	6. Chapter 6

Lesson 6: Include a Gathering

It was the day of the gathering. By some miracle, Sparrowflight managed to get the cats to all head to the gathering place without a single problem filming. Then disaster struck.

"All right people, erm, cats, places for the rest of the gathering!" she yelled. The cats assembled. The leaders all sat on the treebranch. Everything appeared to be fine.

Then Blackstar started twitching. His paw began tapping rhythmically. The other three leaders began to do the same shortly after. Sparrowflight was confused. then they froze and there wsa pure silence for a secon, then-

"I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it!" Blackstar chanted. "I like to-"

"Move it!" the rest of the cats cheered. Then a dance party started. So much or gatherings. Sparrowflight fainted, and had to be carried away by the rest of the crew. No one in the cast even noticed.


End file.
